Gaslighting Definition and Main Examples

Emotional abuse can take many shapes, and one of the most confusing forms is gaslighting. It often starts subtly, a dismissive comment here, a rewritten memory there, until you begin questioning your own thoughts, feelings, or perception. What makes gaslighting especially harmful is how quietly it grows, turning everyday conversations into moments of self-doubt.

Gaslighting can show up in romantic relationships, friendships, and even family dynamics. Someone might downplay your emotions, twist past events, or make you feel “too sensitive” for reacting. Over time, these patterns chip away at confidence and leave you unsure of what’s real. Understanding how gaslighting works and recognizing common examples is the first step toward protecting your emotional well-being.

What is gaslighting?#

Gaslighting is a form of intentional or unintentional emotional manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own reality, memory, or perception. It doesn’t usually start with something big; it often begins with small comments like “you’re imagining things” or “that never happened.” These subtle phrases slowly make a person question their clarity and trust in themselves.

Gaslighting can be hard to spot because it builds gradually. A partner, friend, or family member might rewrite conversations, dismiss your feelings, or act like your concerns are impossible. Over time, these patterns can escalate and make you depend on their version of events. Recognizing it early helps you understand when someone’s confusion is intentional, not accidental.

Signs of gaslighting#

​​Understanding the signs of gaslighting starts with recognizing how it makes someone question themselves. Gaslighting happens when a person repeatedly denies, minimizes, or twists your experiences until you begin doubting your own memory or emotions. It typically starts subtly and can be easy to miss because its behaviour and not necessarily intentional. It can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, or even within families, anywhere someone holds emotional influence.

You might notice yourself feeling confused after conversations, apologizing when you’re not sure what you did wrong, or second-guessing your reactions because someone keeps telling you they’re “wrong” or “dramatic.” Over time, gaslighting erodes confidence and makes you rely more on the manipulator’s version of events than your own.

The term comes from the 1938 play and later film Gas Light, where a husband makes his wife believe she’s losing her sanity. While real-life gaslighting is often more subtle, the effect is similar, slowly making someone feel unsure of what’s real.

Types of Gaslighting#

Gaslighting can show up in a variety of way depending on the relationship, but most patterns fall into a few categories. Understanding the four main types of gaslighting and some additional increasingly common ones makes it easier to spot when someone is manipulating your perception or rewriting reality.

1. Denial#

This happens when someone flat-out refuses to acknowledge something they said or did, even when you clearly remember it.
Example: You bring up a hurtful comment, and they respond, “That never happened.”

2. Trivializing#

Here, the person makes your feelings seem exaggerated or unimportant to weaken your confidence.
Example: You express frustration and they say, “You’re overreacting, it wasn’t that serious.”

3. Shifting blame#

Instead of taking responsibility, they flip the situation so you end up feeling at fault.
Example: They get angry, then claim, “You made me do this.”

4. Rewriting events#

They retell a situation in a way that paints them as reasonable and you as mistaken or emotional.
Example: They describe a past argument in a way that leaves you wondering if your memory is wrong.

5. Withholding#

This involves pretending not to understand you or refusing to engage in the conversation to make you question yourself.
Example: You bring up an issue and they respond, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

6. Diverting#

They change the subject or question your thoughts to avoid accountability.
Example: When confronted, they say, “Why are you even bringing this up right now?”

These forms of gaslighting may look different on the surface, but they all have the same goal: to confuse, quiet, or control someone by undermining their sense of reality.

10 Common Gaslighting Examples#

Gaslighting often hides inside everyday comments, which is why many people don’t notice it right away. These examples of gaslighting show show up in real conversations and illustrate how simple phrases can make someone question their emotions, memories, or judgment. Understanding these patterns helps you recognise when a conversation isn’t just tense, it’s manipulative.

1. “You’re overreacting”#

This phrase dismisses your feelings by making them seem unreasonable. It shifts attention away from what happened and puts the focus on your reaction instead. The goal is to make you question whether your emotions are valid in the first place

2. “I never said that”#

Denying something they clearly said makes you second-guess your memory. Over time, these denials create confusion, making you feel like you can’t trust your own recall. It’s a way for the person to avoid accountability while rewriting the situation.

3. “You’re being too sensitive”#

Here, the manipulator frames your emotional response as a flaw. Instead of addressing the issue, they imply that the problem is your sensitivity. This gradually makes you doubt whether your reactions are normal or if you’re being “difficult.”

4. “No one believes you”#

This isolating statement is designed to undermine your confidence, isolate you, and make you question your own feelings. When someone suggests that others would side with them, it pressures you into silence. It’s meant to discourage you from speaking up or trusting your own perception.

5. “I’m doing it because I love you”#

By framing harmful behavior as love, the manipulator creates confusion around what healthy affection looks like. This makes you question whether your discomfort is justified. It’s a tactic used to mask control or criticism behind caring intentions.

6. “You made me do this”#

Blaming you for their actions shifts responsibility away from them. It suggests that their reaction was caused by your behavior, which creates guilt and self-doubt. This phrase keeps you focused on fixing yourself instead of questioning their actions.

7. “I’m joking, don’t you get it”#

This phrase turns your discomfort into a punchline. The person uses humor as a shield to avoid accountability, then makes you feel uptight for calling it out. It encourages you to ignore hurtful comments to avoid seeming humorless.

8. “How dare you think that of me?”#

Shifting the conversation to outrage creates guilt and confusion. Instead of discussing the issue, they make you feel wrong for questioning them at all. It’s a defensive tactic that diverts attention away from the original concern.

9. “You’re acting crazy”#

Labeling you as “crazy” undermines your credibility and emotional stability. It makes you question whether your reactions are legitimate or exaggerated. This can be deeply damaging because it attacks your sense of self, not just the argument.

10. “I’m the only one who can handle you”#

This phrase subtly suggests that no one else would understand or want you. It creates dependence by lowering your confidence and making the relationship feel like your only option. This isolation is one of the more controlling gaslighting phrases because it limits your sense of freedom.

What to do When You’re Being Gaslit#

When you start noticing signs of gaslighting, taking small, steady steps can help you regain clarity without escalating the situation. The goal isn’t to confront someone aggressively, but to protect your emotional stability and rebuild trust in your own perception.

• Document situations: Writing down what happened, with notes, texts, or screenshots, helps you keep track of the actual events. When someone denies or twists conversations, having a record prevents you from doubting your own memory.
• Set clear boundaries: Gaslighting blurs your sense of what feels okay. Calmly express what makes you uncomfortable and what you won’t accept. You don’t need to justify your boundaries; simply stating them helps you reclaim control.
• Talk to a trusted friend: Someone outside the situation can give you perspective and validate your feelings. A neutral voice helps break the mental fog gaslighting creates and reminds you that your experiences are real.
• Consider professional support: If the behavior continues or affects your confidence deeply, a therapist can help you make sense of the pattern. Professional guidance supports you in rebuilding self-trust and deciding what’s healthiest for you moving forward.

These steps are meant to strengthen your sense of reality, not encourage confrontation. Your emotional clarity is worth protecting.

Reclaiming Your Reality: Your Feelings Are Valid#

Gaslighting is more than a handful of phrases, it’s a pattern that slowly makes you doubt your own experiences. The moment you recognize these behaviors, you’ve already taken an important step toward protecting yourself. Trusting your instincts is part of reclaiming your clarity. If something feels off, confusing, or dismissive, paying attention to that discomfort is not overreacting, it’s self-awareness.

Healing from forms of gaslighting takes time, but it begins with believing your own emotions again. You’re not “imagining things,” and your reactions aren’t a flaw. Your perception matters, and your well-being deserves protection. Whether you decide to talk things through, take space, or seek support, reminding yourself that your feelings are valid helps you rebuild confidence and move forward with strength and clarity.

Frequently Asked Questions#

What Does Gaslighting Mean in a Relationship?#

In a relationship, gaslighting happens when one partner repeatedly makes the other doubt their own feelings, memories, or perception. It can sound like dismissive comments, rewritten conversations, or phrases that downplay your emotions. The goal is to create confusion and gain control. When this pattern repeats, it slowly erodes confidence and trust in your own reality.

What Are the Main Signs of Gaslighting?#

Common signs of gaslighting include feeling confused after conversations, apologizing frequently, doubting your memory, or feeling like you can’t trust your emotions. You may notice the other person denying events, twisting your words, or making you feel “too sensitive.” These patterns often build gradually and can show up in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics.

Where Does the Term “Gaslighting” Come From?#

The term comes from the 1938 play and later film Gas Light, where a man manipulates his wife into doubting her sanity by dimming the gas lights and denying it. While modern gaslighting definition and examples are usually more subtle, the core idea is the same, making someone question what they see or feel.

Can Gaslighting Happen Without Someone Realizing It?#

Yes. Gaslighting can happen unintentionally, especially when someone avoids accountability by downplaying emotions or rewriting events. While intent matters, the impact is still harmful. Even when the behavior isn’t deliberate, it can still make you question yourself. Recognizing these types of gaslighting helps you set boundaries and protect your emotional clarity.